Fixing the Root of Relationship Problems

Date: 18 Nov 2009 Comments: 0

Fixing a relationship is really no different than fixing anything else that’s broken. What makes fixing a relationship so hard are the emotional issues that tend to take free reign when things go wrong. More oftentimes than not, the number one area where a relationship begins to breakdown is the area of commitment.

Fights, cold exchanges and everyday pressures can weaken a couples’ sense of commitment towards their relationship. Herein lies one of the destructive effects of emotions run wild. This can be seen most clearly when our sense of commitment to our job, or work life is compared to our sense of commitment towards our relationship.

Job commitments are connected to our means of survival (food, shelter, clothing). Because of the importance of these needs, our approach towards the job commitment tends to be less flexible than that towards a relationship. We take a more visionary perspective of our role inside the job commitment, and our reason to keep it.

This type of perspective lets little things be little things. It also loosens us up to take more creative approaches when dealing with big problems. In effect, the importance of the commitment increases our tolerance threshold considerably.

This is the kind of commitment depicted inside the marriage vow, “til death do we part”. It’s an attitude. It’s a state of mind that makes dealing with relationship problems a clearer, and more grounded task at hand. It keeps our emotional sensitivities in check; unless issues arise that totally violate a couples sense of togetherness. And even then, emotions don’t run as high as when commitment has become a back burner issue.

Truth be told, as much as we want out relationship to be that special and magical place, being in it for the long haul requires a working commitment. Once the importance of this commitment starts to weaken, problems take on an importance of their own. So when we start to see, or feel a rift developing in our relationships, questioning the root issue of commitment is a good place to look. The ultimate question being : Do I really …really…want this to work …or not?

J. Jeanty has worked as an in-home counselor with couples and families for 10 years. She is the author of Easy Lovin’ For Couples In Crisis -A Relationship Repair Primer. For more information and resources on relationship & self help issues go to Healing Self

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